Breathe. I have had a pretty tumultuous week, a few dramas that have just tipped me over the edge. First of all, I started in a new DBT group. I was a little unsure about the new facilitators, but week 2 I am finding them ok. The actual members of the group however I can’t stand. There is using distress tolerance skills and just craziness. I was also pretty annoyed about them treating some of my target behaviours as trivial. As I have mentioned here before, I have had problems in the past with dying my hair when things start to reach breaking point. I am there. I dyed my hair dark. The facilitators acknowledged this as a destructive behaviour but others in the group were trying to suggest it was self-soothing. If it was in fact self soothing, I would find it comforting, but I don’t find the stress that pushes me to changing my hair colour comforting and colouring my hair doesn’t actually make me feel better for much more than an hour. The group is hard to tolerate and I know that I should be using my distress tolerance skills but I don’t know how I am going to continue. The group I was in previously was kind of timid in comparison to this cut-throat group. I see some of their behaviours as classic borderline, and while I should be sympathetic…. while this is why we are in DBT… its kind of tiring. This group makes me either want to retreat into my shell with my hands over my ears or yell like a mad woman at their stupidity – of course I should do neither, but I am really unhappy. I finished group today and went to the shops to get my eyebrows and eyelashes done, something nice for me. As I laid on the table I got an impulse to pierce my ears and nose (previous piercings that I have removed). So it was. $100 and 3 piercings later… oh and a bagful of trashy cheap jewelry…. I went home. It’s hard to describe the feeling. It’s just uneasiness, wanting to cry but can’t. I think the dramas of last week pushed me outside my safe zone – now I’m crawling back.